Boobs flat as pancakes, yay it's mammogram day.....

      Today was that day I dread all year, yep it was time for my yearly mammogram and ultrasound, the day when I get to experience having my boobs squashed as flat as possible.

      Considering how many of these tests I've had in the last five years, you think I would be an old hand at it, but sitting in the waiting room, the familiar feeling of dread washes over me, I feel nauseous and anxious, I haven't noticed anything to worry about, but what if I missed something, the fear is always there lurking beneath the surface, reoccurrence can happen to anyone.

      So as they call my name, I swallow the fear and head in to that room, now this time I'm seeing a new imaging place, because the old one wanted to start changing me for the privalige of squashing my boobs, so while it's not a new experience , it's on new territory. This is a slightly better mammogram apparently, it takes a more 3D like image, instead of a flat one, which when your boobs are dense tissue like mine is hard to read. I know, every time I get one of these tests they feel the need to inform me, guess what guys they are my boobs, been told how dense they are multiple times, don't think that can change in a year.

       Now anyone who has had a mammogram will tell you, they are painful and a pain in the arse to get done, first you strip to the waist, then your boob gets placed on the machine, then you need to turn your body this way, turn you head that way, stretch you arm over here, bum out, chest in. Jesus what am I, a contortionist, then comes the pressure, squashing your boob as flat as possible, it pulls them, stretches them, digs into ribs and shoulders, seriously whoever invented this machine was a sadist of the highest degree. If men had to have their precious bits flattened like this, they would have found a way to make it less painful by now, but is silly women just deal with it and get on with it.

       Once I've been squashed flat twice on each side, one top to bottom view, then the side on view, it's time for the ultrasound. Now this is nothing like the feel good happy, pregnant, let's see your baby ultrasounds. Once again I'm reminded of my dense Breast tissue, so this may hurt a bit as we need to push hard to get through all the layers. Play contortionist again, face this way, arm up here, wedge under there, finally it's over, I'm covered from armpit to waist in ultrasound gel, that stuff goes everywhere, wipe all that off, get dressed again, then come back tomorrow for your films.

       The receptionists chirpy have a lovely day seems out of place when walking out feeling like you have gone five rounds in the boxing ring, my boobs are sore, hopefully they don't bruise like last year, my armpit is tender, but it's done for another year, thank Christ I survived mammogram day again, now where the hell is the wine.

      But on a more serious note, please remember to check your boobs, get your mammograms done, it is worth the pain and discomfort.