Do you feel like you just don't fit in? That something has changed and you don't know where you are meant to be anymore, in your family, your friendships, your life in general. Is it that the people around you, don't understand you? Or is the confusion you are feeling being projected, making it impossible for others to know you? How do you find out?
The last couple of years, I've done so much soul searching, I've seen the best and worst in friends, I've been used, blamed, dumped and ignored, on the flip side I've come to realise who is really there for me, helping me feel loved and supported. At times I need to ask for their help, other times they are just there. I haven't always been there for my friends during this journey and I'm sorry for that, for any pain I've caused, sometimes it is hard to be a great friend when you don't even like yourself.
I have always felt however, that really being friends means you can just be yourself, not hide, nor holdback. In any kind of relationship if you are constantly watching what you say, biting back words, holding part of yourself back, you aren't doing either of you any favours, relationships, friendships, family. To be true to yourself is so important, we can't forever hold the main part of ourselves back, because that breeds resentment, disdain, indifference and ultimately pain.
I've slowly come to the realisation that to move forward, I need to stop holding back, stop trying to be who others think I should be, stop the hiding and pretending. If those around me truly care, it won't matter, they care for me no matter what, for those I lose along the way, they will be missed for what they bought to my life. We meet many people in this life, some are there for the long haul, some to help us learn, some to show us exactly what not to be and some arrive at the darkest hour, proving to be the sweetest gift. Sorting who fits where is one of our most difficult life lessons, but the rewards leave us feeling blessed, hopefully once that sorting is in progress, feeling back in sync will happen.
