5 years ago.......

      Anniversaries are interesting, they remind us of significant events in our lives, the celebrate beginnings, endings, times when our lives changed forever!     

      So 5 years ago, I was petrified, anxious and trying to be in denial. I was waiting for biopsy results, to find out if I had Breast cancer or not. It was a dreadful time, by choice my family had no idea. They were so far away, what was the point in worrying them until I had answers. It wasn't great news I relieved the next day, it turned my world upside down for nearly a year for treatment and a lot longer for the fallout.

     Every year on march 5th, it all comes back to me, the week leading up to this date is shit, its so hard to fully escape the effects of such an insidious disease, the bone deep fear of a relapse is in the back of my mind all the time, its so hard not to jump to the worst possible conclusions at every little ache or pain, cancerchondria is what we refer to it as.

     Most of the time, I can push it away, hide it behind a door in my mind, but the first week of march is always hard, I alternate between wanting to hide away, to wallow in my pain silently or to go out, to celebrate an another year survived, to surround myself with friends, but knowing which friends are there for the right reasons is another minefield in itself.

     This year, I'm thinking a day to myself, maybe a massage, some quiet reflection, then bourbon and chocolate as I relax in the evening. Its five years since I heard those awful words, but I'm still here, in some ways stronger, in others more vulnerable, the latest version of me is still under construction, but thats the beauty of living, I can be whoever I want to be!!!!

Reset and reboot!!!

      When life is overwhelming you and you feel like you are drowning, what do you do? Where do you go? Do you have a special place that helps you to reset and reboot your life?

       For me that place is the beach, any beach will do, usually around sunset, when the beach is relatively empty. I love being able to stroll along the edge of the water, avoiding the big waves. The feel of the sand between my toes, the smell of the salt air. I'm able to breathe deep and relax, to let all the problems in my life out and feel refreshed.

      Having a place to wind down, to let all the stress out is important, we all need to take a moment every now and then to just be. To forget our problems, to just remember what is really important, to just be!!

      So always remember to visit your place, to reset, reconnect or just to sit, to breathe, to exist, our mental health is just as  or even more important than our physical health. Without a healthy mindset our lives are messy and painful, taking an hour when you need it isn't selfish, it's healthy. The healthier in mind and soul we are, the happier we will be, which then flows down to our families and friends.

      So just remember to breathe, to let go and to just BE!!!!