Who are You??

      Who are we really?? In a era filled will life coaches, motivational speakers and self help gurus, who are you?? We are bombarded with messages like "be your authentic self", "you are the captain of your ship" and "only you are responsible for your happiness". But what the hell does it all mean?

      When you listen to a speaker who's job it is to make you question every aspect of your life, do you embrace the questions or worry about what the answers will be. Are you sitting there thinking, shit do I really do that? am I projecting my shit onto others? Or are you the person in the room mentally doing your shopping list? Does it have to be at a certain time in your life,  for these lessons to make sense? Is figuring ourselves out, the same as stopping smoking? You need to want to do it and be open to it, someone else telling you want to do before you yourself are ready, just goes in one ear and out the other.

      This is just a snippet of the whirlwind inside my head at the moment, it's been going on for the last 24hrs, ever since I listened to a wonderful lady speak, someone who inspires me greatly. During her talk, many times it felt like she was looking into my thoughts as she spoke. The result of this being, a overwhelming feeling of restlessness, a lack of satisfaction with myself. It helped me to recognize why I feel so disconnected lately, so lacking in purpose. 

      The big problem with that, is now to figure out my purpose, to figure out who I really am, not who I am as a wife, mother, daughter, sister or friend. Me the person who is both all and none of these. Me who only I know the best or hopefully will soon. 

     So the next path begins, time to find my "authentic self", the real no holds barred woman hiding under layers of bullshit, the person who has so far survived all the shitnlife has thrown at her. Time to stop hiding, stop pretending, stop being who others expect me to be, time for real. I can guarantee it's not going to be pretty, I know I'll lose a few people along the way,  but hopefully those who are true, will stick with me, if not it's time to find my people who will, only time will tell who will survive.

      Ok authentic self, here I come,  ready or not!!!!!!!